God, I'm trying hard.

This boy devestates me and I need to find a way to tell him that, so I'll flip between here and a cheesy myspace message that I won't send.
When I drive in my car, I can't help but think of you occupying the seat next to mine, and how I never, never thought I could even grab your attention for one second, and now I believe I gained it and lost it.
Starting to sound stupid yet?
I think I scare you, and you sure as hell scare the shit out of me. No one has looked at me like that with those cool burning blue eyes. And I had hoped by staring at the sky that morning that I wouldn't feel you eyes burning into me.
I'm getting very serious for not wanting a relationship.
I didn't lie, I do want you to awkwardly stand by my side, and I think you're the first person I've met that has enough courage, yet subtle shyness to keep me interested. I really wonder if by putting this out there you'll lose your curiosity.
Now for the sell.
I'm not looking for a relationship specifically, and I was thinking I would ask you how you felt about it all. But you write back whatever you want, maybe not write back at all, but know I mean everything I say.
Does it need a comic uplift?
(Makeout buddies?)

Previous Post.

So I started the previous post in this blog (We'll Make This Try Easy.) But, it does seem more appropriate for my other blog, (The Life of a Puddle Jumper.) So I'll post it there too. Also, I dislike using a full song of lyrics in a serious post, written in "The Life of a Puddle Jumper" style, so I figured I would wait to post the full lyrics to the song I wrote here.
(I also feel that full lyrics are very casual posting okay. However, it still can be irritating as a reader, so I probably won't do it much.)
Let’s lay in the grass
And let the time pass
To the music we lived by
Maybe we can slow down growing up

And I'm driving around looking for a sunrise.
Wanting my heart to rise
Right out of my chest
Right into the sky

And there will be nothing else
Like this dream coming true
Right in front of you and I

We’ll make every hard earned year
Worth every fucking cent
We tried to save, but spent

If you don't look for it, it will find you.

I looked for love for so long and gave up. Then, everywhere I turned there was always a chance that even some sort of relationship could bloom. As I made these chances feasible, they slowly faded away. I don't think I can give up on love again. As I watched the one I loved so dearly, complain of the world I ridded him of, I knew it was useless to keep going with love or to give up.
I have never ever had someone I loved stick with me forever, never. I don't know if that's my curse or theirs. I was raised by a society that failed me. And even though the love was never consistent, I was loved for my lifetime, not by anyone person, but by the society as a whole.
Wow. Now is it worth it to leave? Just like love, when I didn't look for a new home, it sprang upon me, and now that I've planned for it, it just doesn't seem right.
This will be the first time I will ever use a verse in this type of writing, and it may well be the last.
And I'm driving around looking for a sunrise.
Wanting my heart to rise.
Right out of my chest.
Right into the sky.
I guess it's all we really want.