Lesson Learned.

Never, ever, be confident in a cup's cleanliness. Specifically, if you have no idea what it contained before, how long its been marinating in the sink, and you only have the ablity to rinse it. When I went for the soy milk this morning, it has a suspicious lemon lime gatorade taste. When I went to go back for one more sip before I gave up, dead fly in it. We are so gross. And its def my turn to do dishes. Yea, thats gonna be difficult. Can't wait to move out of here. Since we had no clean dishes. Used a paper towel to multipurpose as a sandwich station and a toast landing zone. I better not fucking forget my lunch.

Crazyness.

After all of that pulling over and throwing up business. Went to work at potterybarnkids to do a 7pm to 12 am shift. It was ok, I was tired and upset so I wasn't much good. Worked Monday and Tuesday at Chipotle. While getting out of the car on the street where I park, I was upset and tried to jump out real fast before getting hit by a car and ended up shutting my finger in the door. Tried not to cry in the street, freed myself from my car, got heckled from the street and cried in the elevator. Had no clue what to do, ended up splinting it and I went to Starbucks with Ted and Kristen to chill. Then me and Ted came back and talked about music and design and pictures, nothing new there, but I love that chillin mucho.
Worked the morning at pbk. Did visual the whole day and added on some hours. Made four cribs with the finger issue and got an awesome client for next Wednesday. Golden.
Drove back through storms to Balti. And then me and my mom went to Howard County General to see why my finger was such an issue. Some people had said it was broken and some had said it wasn't. Well after x-rays showed it was, but it was just the bone on the tip, so it can't be set, thank god. I freaked out about the whole setting thing, and hospital and on the tv was screeching tires. Not so awesome. They burned a whole in the nail to let it release the pressure a.k.a. blood and then splinted it. Went home. Thursday was for Andrew. Today, I just tried to catch up on all the little crap, went to Clyde's with mom and now I am headed to Laurel for Matt's bday. I think I might have had a scheduling mishap, but oh well. After Matt and Elyse's, I'm going back to my mom's house, pack and then Philadelphia for work at pbk in the morning, then closing Chipotle.

Shaking in my Shoes.

My friends view and celebration of life is today. I need to go to the viewing soon, and I'm like so fucking nervous, I want to go with someone. But not like my mom or sister, but like a friend, but it looks like I'm gonna have to go alone. I'm sure theyre will be plenty of friends there. Gahh. Adulthood just keeps coming. I have plenty of things to blog about that are pretty important, but this is just obscuring everything else for the day, but he was a good guy. He deserves the community out pouring hes getting. Love you man.

On the Road 9.

I knew this weekend was gonna be tough, but not this tough. Andrew Perry Noel. i guess an arch studio isn't our meeting place anymore. heaven it'll be. when i got the news i pulled over, sobbed and threw up. my face is bloodshot. finch's letters to you is on repeat loud as hell. tommy gave me to song forever ago, when i saw hime use it in reference to andrew, i had to listen to it.
crazy, crazy life son. way more has been going on, but i cant get to it. tonight is gonna be a tough shift.

On the Road 8'

Back in phila at my apartment. got a couple minutes before I got to be at work. Even though I'm at home now doesn't mean the on the road weekend has ended. Truthfully I don't know when it will end since i still don't have a work schedule. But now its on to a chipotle shift, a little bit of a break and then a pottery barn kids shift till monday morn.

On the Road 7.

made it to maryland house rest stop, cause I deff need a coffee/food. fuck starbucks u are so expensive when I actually have to pay for you. wow and I only have 2 dollars and some change left fover from the 43 I started the weekend with. but I had to pay for ffod at the mall, parking , a coke at the venue, a valencia cd for my mom, and starbucks this morning. so I guess actually I did pretty well. god damn this starbucks is slow. wow she has only put the mocha in. hurry the fuck up bitch I got places to be. I hope I have a chance to stop by my apt cause I don't think i packed my chipotle hat. back to the road when ever this dumb gril finished making the damn coffee

On the Road 6.

just woke up. time for getting dressed and packing up. yea im kinda tired. haha I have no clue aboput my monday schedule. great.

On the Road 5.

Got back, saw the puppy and kitty. My mom liked the valencia cd. now its time for a nap and waking up at 430. morning.

On the Road 4.

out of the show, it was worth it. ill give abetter review later. as sson as I got to balti I had no gas. quite an ordeal to find a gas station and I barely made it. I prayed a lot and thegas was cheap. good neewsss

On the Road 3.

finally made it to balti. yea im along but im so fucking happy to be here. hott damn. im already the happest girl on earth

Oon the Road 2.

76 again. thistime otyher way. the person for alltimelow dropped so it looks like im going by myself. I don't care I want to see this shoew soo bad. imma have to edit the posts lata. they look messy. had to go back to my apt to get another charger so my phone wouled mmake the trip. whatever I derserrve this concert and the long drive alone. more proof I can't cooperate.whatever I don't mind being alone.

On the Road 1.

After being on 76west for over 20 minutes. This is my third time in 2nd gear. And I just realized that the lenghth of my pbk shift reqires a lunch.Which I didn't pack.
Nowits all cleared up. Time to stop mobile blogging.

Travel.

Philadelphia-Sleep/Clean/Bank.
King of Prussia-Pottery Barn Kids.
Baltimore-All Time Low/Valencia.
Ellicott City-Forms and Couple Hours.
Philadelphia-Chipotle/Shower/Food.
King of Prussia-Pottery Barn Kids Midnight Pre-Visual.

Craziness I wished for.

Copy/Paste.

Jul 15, 2008 7:23 PM
blisters from rowing and lifting. whatev. after this shower i will feel better than my hands look. i deserve it for not rowing or lifting for 14 days. bad me. but i lost my id and had to use my roomies to sneak in.



tried to sneak in the lib, but got caught. but i got let in cause i was wearing philau field hockey shorts. told her i had my roomies i d and she asked why. i said we shared the back pack(that still smells like beer from the draught keg sat).

she laughed and said "you guys are THAT POOR that you share a back pack?!!?" and i was like stern as shit "yes, we are"
haha

crazy fucking week im in, but this is the ultimate life. wouldn't/couldn't give it up.



love love love.

Jul 16, 2008 9:58 AM
these shoeshave already eaten my heel for breakfast.I hope work has bandaids. and I may or mauynot be late. this scheduling thing has been crap. whateve. I hope all gos well/ they approve of my outfit today. I think with scheduling mayhem I might have to cave and do my laundry in my building. poo I was trying not to do that. god damn I already bled on these new shoes. if I hadn't had to walk all the way around the fucking mall to find an open entrance maybe my foot would still be intact.

Jul 16, 2008 8:06 PM
keg backpack me and ted made another one, ready to cook out on campus duing the fake emergency in philadelphia. yea you wish you where us. oh yea I totally work in the morning.
what's up lifers?

Jul 17, 2008 12:36 AM
can someone lay in the grass with me? please?

Jul 17, 2008 7:46 AM
fuck. ive realized that at the end of the day im worthless.


im damn happy.


but that does nothing for the world around me.



im still completely undesirable.


and the people i care about are ready to give up.


i moved on cause i couldn't live in those conditions anymore.


now my family, scratch that my mom, is failing.


my friend that i love dearly doesn't know whats going on with his life.



but i scheduled my life with enough crap so i wouldnt notice i was leaving them behind.



still so incapable of love, i just let them go.


i finally let myself live and i cant be there anymore. i try but i fail.



ive even learned that i sound angry everytime someone calls me to hang out.



im an asshole.



but i have to make a living for not just me, i gotta not just try but actually help my mom.


i dont know when the collectors will show up.


but i wont be there to lie and say we dont live there anymore.


time to smile and wrap some burittos.


its all good.


right?




those kinda sum up the latest life.

Brew Up Some Coffee.

Life has been wonderful, working every day between Pottery Barn Kids and Chipotle. I'll stay at PBK during the semester working visual/sales.
The apartment is a mess. Our mouse is now living on the counter top and I can barely walk anywhere in my room. We also have an epic recycling collection. I'm trying to pack what I can, but everything kinda ends up thrown cause of coming home for work, running, shower, watch tv/make dinner for 2 hours, pass out. And do it all over again. These kind of mornings give me the opportunity to work on it.
I've been working 10-2 shifts at Pottery Barn Kids, so I get up at 7 like I do for Chipotle, make a cup of coffee and some toast, and do hair or whatev, and then with the extra time I clean or design or whatev. A good system, I love mornings but I'm not always motivated to be awake and listless, so coffee it is. I'm only drinking 2 cups a week, so my heart shouldn't explode quite yet.
PBK has me running through hoops of just what to wear, I have a feeling I am going to be wrong again today. I already have a $20 pair of pants I can't wear. They want dress pants that you wear with flats. Do they realize that this is bascially impossible? Whatever, they're fault for not giving me good guidance about the uniform. Haha, I wore the best shoes I own, that weren't stilettos and they said they weren't good enough. And they're has been scheduling chaos between the two jobs. Not much I can do about it but be the middle man.
This weekend will be chaos, but if I explain it here, I will get all stressed out trying to figure it out, so until tomm, this problem doesn't exsist.
Hahah, ironically time for me to do may hair.

Blindly.

Due to allergies and my eyes the first half an hour I'm awake is basically a blind one. I put on my glasses for close up and try to find my way around my apartment and such, you know check email and the millions of sites I'm attached to. I always find it funny that I am still trying to do something even though i can only see straight and everything is fuzzy, while my eyes try to blink away the crap from the night.
Slept in today even thought I said I was gonna wake up early and run. I'll still run I promise.
But I also said I was gonna go to sleep right after work. HAHA, what a laugh. Ted came over to show me a branding example for my portfolio and then we finished off the case of beers from the 4th. Great fucking time, we talked about serious stuff and I know I laughed my ass off. He got lost in the wrong tower of the apt building in like a nice outfit at like 11 at night. We mowed through them pretty fast, "Where's my burrs?" and then Ted stayed on our futon. It was weird cause I'm always the one stating at someone elses place, but this time, now that I live in a place, people can stay at my place. And thats fucking awesome to say. We stayed up talking 'til 3.
Today is my clean, pack, destroy day. I want to go grocery shopping, but I dont want to use any gas. I may end up getting a soda from the joint downstairs, cause I really want soda and it is gonna make me a much nicer person while packing. Toodles.

Do you keep my eyelashes on your pillowcase?

I think I'm over someone, and I could not feel better about it. All I have to ask is "How does it feel when you walk away and no one comes running after you?"
Did some design the other day for a band, and they haven't emailed me back about what I sent them, so I'm assuming that's a no. Seems to be a popular theme. Oh well, I may just finish it up anyway. I should have put a watermark on it, but for next time I'll remember to. Did another sketch in my gouache sketchbook that was supposed to be filled up by the end of the summa. Oops. I'll get working on that.
I had put some goals here for the summer, none of which look like they are gonna be finished. Oh well, I got to some other pretty damn good ones. Portfolio, website, being fucking happy!
Website, I might have to start from scratch on that one. I'll make it the same, jut remake every file, because my template file got deleted in the hard drive wipe, and it keeps being weird about making a new one. Practice makes perfect, more opportunities to learn, I say. Only took me like a week and a half the first time, so now that I have all the files and everything ready, it should go together pretty fast.
This is a bit of a copy paste post, " can i say that i have the greatest life ever? sorry if thats conceited im just fucking happy.



well i will be in the grand area of charm for...

7. 18 .08 &7.19 .

08
alltimelow valencia hitthelights

7. 31. 08 & 8. 1 .

08
picking up my life in ellicott city and moving to a house in phila, just so you have a place to crash in the north... haha

8. 8 .

08
FUCKING HALFWAY AT THE RECHER
and going to the hoco fair, im obligated."

sryiess. Baltimore, come out, you know you love me.
First paycheck from Chipotle is Friday! I have no clue what is going on with Pottery Barn Kids. They wanted me to work off Tues mornings, but I don't want to take off more hours at Chipotle 'til I actually get them at PBK. Still gotta pay for new house stuff and tattoo in November. Wow that is soon. So is school, I hope everything is smooth at the beginning of this semester. I'm not super worried about field hockey, we all know I'm bad and will never play. I'm ok with it, I'm still doing what I love. AIAS stuff should be awesome too.
House stuff is going well, just ironing out details of who's gonna be where, when and paying for what. Next step is setting up internet, cable and electric. Just have to figure out how to do that.
Woot. Teds coming over for a bit, and yea. I want to wake up at like 530 to run but that probabally won't happen. We'll see.

I think its time for you to move out of the city.

Had off work today. I was gonna clean, clean, but I did a whole lot of nothing. Slept in til 1230, ate two cupcakes, a bad-ish batch of pizza rolls, then headed off to the gym where I rowed intervals (1 min fast, 1min slow) for 17 mins, lifted legs and core, and then did the elliptical for 10 mins and got to 1.22 mi. Not half bad if I do say so myself. Showered, waited around way too long then rushed off to get to the bank before it closed.
Made it just in time. I transferred 10 dollars which I thought would be enough to cover rent and electric. I fucked up the number and now I'm still $6.41 short. I'll go tommarrow to fix it. Then I went to work real fast to fix an issue 'cause people can't hear over the phone and are too silly to confirm big issues when they're not sure what's going on.
The one guy, I think hes cute,but whatev. He doesn't notice me, but I ask him if the guy I was looking for and he was like "Meredith, oh damn, you're looking, shit." Haha brought my mood up. I was wearing a tight t shirt and booty shorts, that after my latest bout of image issues was extremely happy when they fit me today, with room. Hot damn! I still look flubby, but the issue for me is more (1)being competitive with myself and (2) not having to buy new clothes 'cause I don't fit into the old ones.
Came back, folded stuff and sorted it into boxes and packed winter clothes into a duffel. I'm tryna get as ready as possible for moving. I was nervous I was gonna need more boxes, but I think maybe only one or two more will do me. 'Cause now I have 3 suitcases, and one of those can handle stuff on hangers, so I might be able to use the boxes for at least part books until they're loaded up to breaking, and then some clothes on top. I just have a hell of alot of books. And books are heavy.
Sorry this was the worst blog post ever. Nothing really entertaining or creative. I'm just worn out from trying to get all the stuff that was on my computer back. Still missing 2 full days worth of music, 1000 pictures, and my whole website. You don't really realize how many passwords your computer stores til you try to get them back. Night.