Unknowledgeable.

I don't really know what I want to write, but I feel like writing, and after I do this I usually feel a lot better, and I already wrote two songs today, so this will be my outlet. things have been crazy, yet slow and somehow I have no idea what is gonna happen with everything in the end.
First, at my design crit that was last Monday my work got selected to be on my schools website, which is awesome, but its almost stressing because I have no idea how people will receive it and when it will be up and what it will mean for me now. On the other hand, it will look awesome on a resume and if I can use the pictures, they will be nice and professional for a portfolio. And the big positive is maybe some people can finally understand what I've been doing here and putting so much passion into.
I am realizing this is just becoming an update of my last post, so I will continue on with the boy issue. Baltimore boy did break up with his girlfriend, and then wanted me to have sex with him to get over it, and there is no way I am getting into that mess more than I already am in. He now gets upset when I'm with someone else, and I know for a fact he would be more than pissed off if he knew I've hooked up with other people and not told him. He wants every detail but no commitment. Well I'm ready to cut him out.
Greater Philadelphia boy, well, the friend I knew him through is a good buddy of mine, and when he told his group of buddies that included Phila. boy, that he was gonna visit me, they were rude and even threw things at him as he was leaving. I take it that obviously he doesn't want to see me, and surprisingly I was over it quickly. I guess now that I'm back at school there are so many better options.
Actually, right now I'm pretty good by myself. Sometimes there are the usual times a companion would be nice. But, in general, I'm over it, I don't have that much time to spend on someone else, and I can see myself easily starting fights with a significant other for no reason except that's my nature. So, its just easier for me to do my own thing.
I think that's most of the big stuff. There's plenty of little stuff like midterms and the end of field hockey season. I think it will be a nice refresher to go home to Baltimore after our last game for a day and then come back with my car!! Now I will have a vehicle so those times I just need to get away from campus I can with out needing someone else to go with me for safety or whatever.

Straight Buggin.

Yea I am, that's what I say when I'm nervous and/or freaking out about something. Its like everything and craziness and getting my ideas on to some form of paper.
I have a design project to make a client who is a form of an artist we signed up for in class and then make a home within the constrains of a previous building but we have the ability to put in windows where ever we like and the such. My client is very interesting and since I created her we are one and the same. What is making me nervous is the fact were just told sketch and make study models, but I don't even know if we're making like parti models(dealing with the program of the building) or like concept. I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to come up with a concept but I don't know how to make that a study model. I think if we had studio time for it I would have been cool if I had gotten a chance to ask more questions but we basically just reviewed our boards about our clients and went over readings. The class seems short even though its 4 hours long. Well maybe after venting some of this, I will be chilled out enough to get work done.
I also have the boy issue, but I'm just gonna let it play out. Baltimore boy says he's gonna visit me in Philadelphia even though hes moving here in 3 weeks, but that's also what he said right before we stopped talking a while ago. We text each other every night and it seems perfect when it's like that or when the alcohol is flowing and we can be intimate and cute and talk 'cause we're with our friends, but then there's this time where we're in public and its just awkward and it doesn't seem to work. The girlfriend doesn't help either. But I did wake up late this morning worried cause he wasn't in my bed anymore, as I had dreamt.
Philadelphia boy, I haven't seen since my last post. I want to, but I have no idea if he even likes me. It kills 'cause he doesn't drive either so there is no way to get him alone. Maybe if he liked me he would put more effort to talk to me over the Internet, 'cause he's trying to stop using myspace and even tried to delete it. Err, now that I think about it Baltimore boy sounds better even though he would never break up with her. I really hope Phila boy doesn't try to hang out when and if Balti boy comes up, I would feel like I wasted one of our few opportunities to hang out. I guess if Phila saw me and Balti together I could tell him the truth; without you, he's the best I can do.

School Starting.

Well it's gotten off to a good start. Still not really challenging yet and I have plently of time to hang out and paint and draw or whatever. It's kinda nice but I know it's gonna get hard but I'm still gonna make time to do all those things on the side.
I'm waiting for someone to call me back to go to lunch. I woke up at like 10:40 when I had planned to wake up around 8:00, but I don't really know what I would have done with all that extra time. I should clean as well, but I think I will save that untill I finish my work, cause then I will make more of a mess.
I don't think I mentoned this before, but I got a fish to replace a boy. It's actually more successful that I thought it would be. He's a goldfish but he's marked in white and orange like a koi. His name is Huckleberry Finn. I didn't mean it to be a pun, but I liked Huckleberry so it just worked out. He is very cute and even though he doesn't do much, I really like having him. Yea, if I kill him I will cry. I will have had him a week on saturday.
I think thats everything. I'm still trying to make progress with Greater Philadelphia boy, but it's going slow. Oh well, I need the time for school and hockey.

Lightly Tired.

So I just broke the jack open. Now I have internet! But of course this was after I found out my classes and got e-mails on other's peoples computers. At least everyone else in the world has internet so I was good.
Really random, and I'm not one to usually preach but there has been some serious wastefulness in the beginning of this semester. First of all, no freaking recycling dumpsters. The university hires extra roll-off dumpsters to handle all the trash from move in, but most of this "trash" is easily recycleable cardboard. If you took out all the cardboard all the real trash would easily fit into the normal dumpsters. Second, people buy a pile of books that they can easily carry in their arms and get a bag anyway. I understand if you need to use mutiple hands and therefore you get bags, but you can make such an impact by just saying, "Oh, I don't need a bag." And you save the effort of the cashier trying to get the damn bag open.

It's Been A While

Yea it has since I last posted. I think I would be posting more, but we lost wireless in our house and now that I'm back at school, the internet jack in my room is messed up. And wow I've been sitting here for and hour on the computer. Damn. It's crazy getting re-settled down. Pre-season and classes haven't started yet, and I need to buy books, and print out a class schedule, and blah blah blah. I'm kinda pooped so I think I'm already over writing this post, but I did post on (Life of a Puddle Jumper.) Shit, life is crazy, and baltimore is following me to philadelpia and I don't think its such a bad thing. I like the blend of 410-215 and the curves of I-95.

God, I'm trying hard.

This boy devestates me and I need to find a way to tell him that, so I'll flip between here and a cheesy myspace message that I won't send.
When I drive in my car, I can't help but think of you occupying the seat next to mine, and how I never, never thought I could even grab your attention for one second, and now I believe I gained it and lost it.
Starting to sound stupid yet?
I think I scare you, and you sure as hell scare the shit out of me. No one has looked at me like that with those cool burning blue eyes. And I had hoped by staring at the sky that morning that I wouldn't feel you eyes burning into me.
I'm getting very serious for not wanting a relationship.
I didn't lie, I do want you to awkwardly stand by my side, and I think you're the first person I've met that has enough courage, yet subtle shyness to keep me interested. I really wonder if by putting this out there you'll lose your curiosity.
Now for the sell.
I'm not looking for a relationship specifically, and I was thinking I would ask you how you felt about it all. But you write back whatever you want, maybe not write back at all, but know I mean everything I say.
Does it need a comic uplift?
(Makeout buddies?)

Previous Post.

So I started the previous post in this blog (We'll Make This Try Easy.) But, it does seem more appropriate for my other blog, (The Life of a Puddle Jumper.) So I'll post it there too. Also, I dislike using a full song of lyrics in a serious post, written in "The Life of a Puddle Jumper" style, so I figured I would wait to post the full lyrics to the song I wrote here.
(I also feel that full lyrics are very casual posting okay. However, it still can be irritating as a reader, so I probably won't do it much.)
Let’s lay in the grass
And let the time pass
To the music we lived by
Maybe we can slow down growing up

And I'm driving around looking for a sunrise.
Wanting my heart to rise
Right out of my chest
Right into the sky

And there will be nothing else
Like this dream coming true
Right in front of you and I

We’ll make every hard earned year
Worth every fucking cent
We tried to save, but spent

If you don't look for it, it will find you.

I looked for love for so long and gave up. Then, everywhere I turned there was always a chance that even some sort of relationship could bloom. As I made these chances feasible, they slowly faded away. I don't think I can give up on love again. As I watched the one I loved so dearly, complain of the world I ridded him of, I knew it was useless to keep going with love or to give up.
I have never ever had someone I loved stick with me forever, never. I don't know if that's my curse or theirs. I was raised by a society that failed me. And even though the love was never consistent, I was loved for my lifetime, not by anyone person, but by the society as a whole.
Wow. Now is it worth it to leave? Just like love, when I didn't look for a new home, it sprang upon me, and now that I've planned for it, it just doesn't seem right.
This will be the first time I will ever use a verse in this type of writing, and it may well be the last.
And I'm driving around looking for a sunrise.
Wanting my heart to rise.
Right out of my chest.
Right into the sky.
I guess it's all we really want.

Fuck.

So my friends never called me. And I wanted to dye my hair. Pink. Weird for me at least, but its working for the moment. Well I guess I'll get ready for bed and a run in the morning, then they'll call me.

He said I look sexy in khakis.

Yea he did, while on the phone, me sitting on my car in my Target uniform and him walking around a Wal-Mart drunk. I don't know if its cute or creepy. He did add that I'd look sexy in anything. I can call myself sexy, but it's weird when someone else does it. I still think I'm already over this one-date boy. It would have been a much more effective statement coming from a certain boy who lives in the Greater Philadelphia Area.
One-Date Boy did make the conversation seem like it was going to lead to an invitation out, but it never quite got there. He asked me if I went home I was just going to pass out, but I said that I would change out of khakis, and that's where the sexy comment came in. Eh, I'm gonna go out with my friends depending on when they get back to Ellicott City from Columbia, since I can't meet them cause I'm an idiot and get lost in my home town.
Gosh I just wanna be with Greater Philadelphia Boy, real bad.

Grr. Grrr. Grrrr.

I had planned to go to a concert this saturday, and hopefully sunday, and the first time I looked at my schedule it had me working 12-5:30. Fine, great, whatever. Then I can make it to the show by 6. Well, I realized tonight, that when I saw the schedule yesterday night, it said I closed 5 days in a row, including saturday. I understand if I dont get sunday cause I didn't see that schedule. But The schedule said I would basically have that night, now I don't. And there was the disscussion that they were changing the schedule on us last night. Hopefully with some pressure I get at least that night. After all. with the most recent schedule I work more than my supervisor. Better get fucking fixed.

Some Alone Tme.

Yea, I'm posting again this soon, but I'm really stuck on this. During spring semester I made this big deal about making my own decisions in regards to my school and my family making me be responsible in fashions I felt I already had taken care of. Now, I feel like part of that relates to staying single, cause yea, I still think certain events would be better with some one to candidly enjoy them with. But I am very content with the single life, as long as their is always an interest to share some flirting with, I'm good.
Now I just have to figure out how to make another date with this current boy work. I feel like I owe him another chance to get over first date jitters. He is a nice guy that will make another girl with perfect speech very happy.

Less Boys. More Field Hockey.

I went on a date the other date, and it was just awkward, he made fun of the way I slur my words and I just didn't quite feel comfortable with him. We will go on another date, I want to make sure it wasn't just first date jitters, but at the same time, it's called a speech impediment and they've been trying to fix it since I was little, and that's just the tip of the iceberg boy. I knew it was going bad when I told him how many times I've broken my nose, thats when it always goes bad. It gets worse when he gets grossed out by it.
I really should stop worrying abut boys cause I do need to be concentration on field hockey. Right now, I don't think there is a way I will be where I want to be in time for season, but maybe I can pump myself up enough to do it. Its just that my work schedule is mostly afternoon so its hard to find a good time to do it. It will have to wait though, because today I go into the doctor's again to get patches put on my back to try and find out what I'm allergic to. I bet the results will be negative, because they always are. But last time they did give me perscriptions that are supposed to help, but I haven't gotten them filled yet. I'm not too good at helping myself out much, the doctors aren't much better.
On the other hand, there is still a boy I adore in Philadelphia, and a nice (older) boy at work. Target boy, is older and apparently thought I was too, which is always flattering, and he stopped by the breakroom yesterday to say he liked my hair. I could see myself being comfortable with him, but I also thought I was comfortable with date boy too. Oh well, off to get allergens attached to my back. WOOPEEEE!

New Blog

I added this one, because I have another blog where I try to wind stories in and out of my real life, but I figured I would give just simple blogging a try. I don't know how it will work out, but anythings worth a try.