Recently.

I've been very upset, trying to reconcile my past and whats whirlwinding around me. Last night, I slept for once, and I had a dream about my dad. The first good dream, probably in forever. I don't know how or why I would have dreamed about him when he was alive. But during my teenage years I was forced to face a "dark side" that I'm still not sure exists and I had many dreams about this "evil dad" I never knew. Last night was almost as if none of the disease had happened, that my parents had divorced as fate had to seemed to plan five years ago, and I was meeting him as though it was present day. Therefore I had been away and talking had been sparse. He was getting some Navy group together to be shipped off, only it was not very organized and looked more like a poor man's peace corps. But he was just as I really remembered him and I love him.
Another thing missing from the picture was something my dad always talked about, peppermint ice cream. He had made it as a boy and when I saw Paula Dean having a similar accent to my father's and using a ice cream maker, I suddenly wanted what I could not have. Me and milk are seeming to be one thing never to be reconciled, although I am lucky and it seems only milk it self promotes a shortage of breathing and soothed skin, and not butter and cheese. I still watch my proverbial culinary step, however.(Why I hate eating out for dates). While we only made it several times, it will always be associated with summer for me. The glory of the internet later, A Vegan Ice Cream Paradise. Though I can not link to the post itself, she has a chocolate peppermint ice cream recipe with a non chocolate version. I do have vegan cookie dough ice cream in the freezer, that will probably be gorged on in a minute, also after watching Alton Brown make banana ice cream. We have an old ice cream maker at the Baltimore house, but maybe I can ask for a small counter top version, but also for fried okra's sake, I want a deep fryer. See a trend?
Strangely, the dream also included Dave, a boy/man I went out with during last summer, who adored my father even though he knew little about him. He is also the closest to boyfriend material I ever had, even though we weren't perfect for each other, I don't doubt that we could have been good enough for each other. But I left for school and he left for base. That was that. But there he was, part of this mis-mashed group of people on a strange mission. For some reason I believe it was a radical/anarchist one. He had much longer hair, for it was halfway down his forehead when he always kept it closely shaved, though he had mentioned it being longer and "emo." And it was a silly red color. I liked it though, and now I feel bad for the fact I could not recognize the person in the dream until halfway through the morning.
Oh god, now they're doing a special on comfort food. I'm gonna eat the whole apartment.
In other news, supposed to hang out with certain kid, as usual, did not show up. We were supposed to get lunch and he let me know at 2 that he couldn't make the trip. (He lives a bit away, no idea the distance). I'm not surprised, I wasn't really expecting him to show up. Specially after our text message conversation ended with him asking about the guys I was more than hanging out with, me saying none, and him acting all surprised and probably thinking that he was special. He asked me why and I said, "I thought I deserved a real relationship. Or I stopped being worth it."
I have a way of ruining conversations.